Trauma, Stress & the Autism Parent
Across the research literature, parents of children with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) tend to report higher levels of anxiety, depression
and more health-related problems in general.
Some researchers have also found that parents of children with ASD can have stress levels similar to those found in PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), and that children with ASD may also have a higher likelihood of experiencing trauma themselves.
In other words, if you are a parent with a child with ASD, or really any special needs parent, for that matter, your parenting life is likely filled with a greater need for hyper-vigilance, awareness, education, appointments,
therapies and life/school/career modification, at least some of the time, if not all of the time.
The impact of living with the demands of being a parent of a child with special needs, like ASD, means that you have had or are still coming to terms with what a diagnosis means for your child, what it means for you, what has to change and what can stay the same, and likely challenges around finding enough time for self care, for your relationships, and for your own well-being.
Chronic parenting challenges take their toll, they just do.
The truth is, parenting is a lot harder when your child lives outside of the box, and dealing with teachers, family, friends, stigma, judgments, feedback or thoughts from others, appointments with doctors, therapists, etc - makes it pretty difficult to focus on yourself.
However, it is critical that you take good care of yourself.
As much as you love your child, you probably were not expecting to have an "out of the box" parenting experience, or maybe you are doing well, but your spouse or partner is not doing well with accepting a diagnosis or dealing with daily life.
Maybe your own childhood was less than ideal, and you had a lot of hopes and dreams about what your dream child and family were going to look like, and now it just looks different.
Maybe the day to day life of parenting a child who struggles with sensory issues, health issues, anger or rage, challenging or repetitive behaviors is more than you feel you can bear some days.
It would be for anyone.
Parenting is sacred work, but special needs parenting is an entirely different level of sacred work, that asks us to give every inch and then some, every single day.
You are worthy of as much love and support as you give to your child.
The greatest gift you can give to your child, whether they are a special needs child or not, is to work on yourself, on your triggers, on your wounds, and on your goals, so that you can be the best version of you, for your child, as well as for yourself.
As a clinician, with both personal and professional experience in the area of parenting trauma and chronic stress associated with ongoing mental and physical health conditions in children, I know first hand, that you, and your child, will benefit when you are whole, balanced and healthy: mentally, physically and emotionally.
You can't give what you don't have.
and more health-related problems in general.
Some researchers have also found that parents of children with ASD can have stress levels similar to those found in PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), and that children with ASD may also have a higher likelihood of experiencing trauma themselves.
In other words, if you are a parent with a child with ASD, or really any special needs parent, for that matter, your parenting life is likely filled with a greater need for hyper-vigilance, awareness, education, appointments,
therapies and life/school/career modification, at least some of the time, if not all of the time.
The impact of living with the demands of being a parent of a child with special needs, like ASD, means that you have had or are still coming to terms with what a diagnosis means for your child, what it means for you, what has to change and what can stay the same, and likely challenges around finding enough time for self care, for your relationships, and for your own well-being.
Chronic parenting challenges take their toll, they just do.
The truth is, parenting is a lot harder when your child lives outside of the box, and dealing with teachers, family, friends, stigma, judgments, feedback or thoughts from others, appointments with doctors, therapists, etc - makes it pretty difficult to focus on yourself.
However, it is critical that you take good care of yourself.
As much as you love your child, you probably were not expecting to have an "out of the box" parenting experience, or maybe you are doing well, but your spouse or partner is not doing well with accepting a diagnosis or dealing with daily life.
Maybe your own childhood was less than ideal, and you had a lot of hopes and dreams about what your dream child and family were going to look like, and now it just looks different.
Maybe the day to day life of parenting a child who struggles with sensory issues, health issues, anger or rage, challenging or repetitive behaviors is more than you feel you can bear some days.
It would be for anyone.
Parenting is sacred work, but special needs parenting is an entirely different level of sacred work, that asks us to give every inch and then some, every single day.
You are worthy of as much love and support as you give to your child.
The greatest gift you can give to your child, whether they are a special needs child or not, is to work on yourself, on your triggers, on your wounds, and on your goals, so that you can be the best version of you, for your child, as well as for yourself.
As a clinician, with both personal and professional experience in the area of parenting trauma and chronic stress associated with ongoing mental and physical health conditions in children, I know first hand, that you, and your child, will benefit when you are whole, balanced and healthy: mentally, physically and emotionally.
You can't give what you don't have.
What contributes to parental trauma or chronic stress?
HypervigilanceWhat is Hypervigilance?
Hypervigilance is a symptom of PTSD and it is an enhanced state of sensory sensitivity, a high responsiveness to stimuli, and the constant searching for threats. With ASD, threats look like: Searching for potential triggers for meltdowns Protecting a child in meltdown mode from self-harm Dealing with a child who may be stronger than yourself Constant alert of things in the environment that may send your child into sensory overload Constant awareness of the risk that your child may wander The guilt and fear that floods you when they actually do wander Assessing sensory issues like sounds, people, temperatures, etc Noticing or trying to avoid the reactions of others, dealing with stigma as a difficult moment is unfolding Trying to control things to reduce difficult experiences Being in a state of constantly assessing everything and what everyone is doing at all times |
ASD in a Day:Dealing with challenging behaviors, including hitting, throwing things, head-banging and other forms of self-injury, repetitive behaviors,
and tantrums Poor sleeping, picky or disruptive eating habits Trying to manage other siblings, career, partners, home, teachers Nocturnal Enuresis or Encopresis Expressions of anger, crying, rigidity, sibling fighting or lack of understanding Never feeling like you have enough to give to anyone, let alone yourself Financial costs of therapies and treatments Time demands of treatments and support Parenting differences with partner or co-parent Nutrition, sleep and health issues often associated with ASD Feeling like you can't exercise or find time for yourself |
Parenting Trauma:Hypervigilance
Stigma and judgment from other Sense of isolation, loneliness Avoidance of social events or certain friends or family Frequent stress of driving to appointments Lack of understanding by close friends or family of what your life is like Not getting validation from loved ones or partners for the challenges you face Cleaning up, managing and dealing with home, other children, etc Feeling like you can't be real or truly share what you are struggling with If you are a single parent, feeling especially isolated or lonely, or that a new partner won't understand your child Receiving a diagnosis, but having a partner or spouse refuse to accept and move toward treatment Having siblings trigger sensory or behavioral issues in your child with ASD Feeling guilty about time spent on your child with special needs, when you have other children who need you Having your own issues unrelated to your child, but feeling like there is no time to work on yourself Being unhappy in your relationship, but feeling like you have to stay for your child |
EMDR FOR PARENTS OF CHILDREN WITH ASD:
Potential indicators that EMDR for Parents of Children with Autism could be helpful:
Flashbacks and intrusive thoughts about receiving diagnosis or disturbing memories
Exaggerated startle response to your child or others
Difficulty sleeping
Anxious or angry mood
Sense of fear/hypervigilance, feeling overwhelmed chronically
Emotional numbness, feeling disconnected
Feelings of detachment
Lack of interest in normal activities, isolating from others
Headaches, body aches, physical numbness
Flashbacks and intrusive thoughts about receiving diagnosis or disturbing memories
Exaggerated startle response to your child or others
Difficulty sleeping
Anxious or angry mood
Sense of fear/hypervigilance, feeling overwhelmed chronically
Emotional numbness, feeling disconnected
Feelings of detachment
Lack of interest in normal activities, isolating from others
Headaches, body aches, physical numbness
Resources for Parents
Autism Speaks Autism Response Team
The Autism Response Team (ART) is specially trained to connect people with autism, their familiesand caregivers to information, tools, and resources. 888-288-4762 FamilyServices@AutismSpeaks.org Autism Speaks 100 Day Kit for Newly Diagnosed Families The 100 Day Kit was created to help families make the best possible use of the 100 days following anautism diagnosis. Important topics include understanding symptoms, accessing services, finding theright treatments and knowing your child’s rights Autism Speaks Tool Kits Autism Speaks has developed nearly 50 tool kits for parents and caregivers of children and adults with autism. All tool kits are available free of charge. |
Articles/Research EMDR, PTSD and AUTISM SPECTRUM DISORDERS:
Stress and the Autism Parent:
https://iancommunity.org/ssc/stress-and-autism-parent
Beware of MASK Syndrome (Mothers of Autism Spectrum Kids)
http://www.autismsupportnetwork.com/news/beware-mask-syndrome-autism-332341
EMDR Therapy for Families with Autism Part 1 and Part 2:
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/emdr-therapy-for-families-of-children-with-autism-part-i-0128142
Autism and PTSD: Similarities and Differences
swww.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/neuroscience-in-translation/201810/autism-and-ptsd-similarities-and-differences
At the Intersection of Autism and Trauma
https://www.spectrumnews.org/features/deep-dive/intersection-autism-trauma/
Differential Diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder:
Two Clinical Cases. https://www.mdpi.com/2077-0383/7/4/71
Autism Moms Have Stress Similar to Combat Soldiers
https://www.disabilityscoop.com/2009/11/10/autism-moms-stress/6121/
Autism Speaks: https://www.autismspeaks.orgwww.autismspeaks.org
Regional Center of Orange County: http://www.rcocdd.com/frc/ccfrc/resources/autism/.
Asperger Syndrome and High Functioning Autism Association: http://ahany.org
Autism Society: https://www.autism-society.org
The Center for Autism and Neurodevelopment: http://www.thecenter4autism.org
Family Autism Network: https://faninfo.orgfaninfo.org
My Autism Team: https://www.myautismteam.com
Stress and the Autism Parent:
https://iancommunity.org/ssc/stress-and-autism-parent
Beware of MASK Syndrome (Mothers of Autism Spectrum Kids)
http://www.autismsupportnetwork.com/news/beware-mask-syndrome-autism-332341
EMDR Therapy for Families with Autism Part 1 and Part 2:
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/emdr-therapy-for-families-of-children-with-autism-part-i-0128142
Autism and PTSD: Similarities and Differences
swww.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/neuroscience-in-translation/201810/autism-and-ptsd-similarities-and-differences
At the Intersection of Autism and Trauma
https://www.spectrumnews.org/features/deep-dive/intersection-autism-trauma/
Differential Diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder:
Two Clinical Cases. https://www.mdpi.com/2077-0383/7/4/71
Autism Moms Have Stress Similar to Combat Soldiers
https://www.disabilityscoop.com/2009/11/10/autism-moms-stress/6121/
Autism Speaks: https://www.autismspeaks.orgwww.autismspeaks.org
Regional Center of Orange County: http://www.rcocdd.com/frc/ccfrc/resources/autism/.
Asperger Syndrome and High Functioning Autism Association: http://ahany.org
Autism Society: https://www.autism-society.org
The Center for Autism and Neurodevelopment: http://www.thecenter4autism.org
Family Autism Network: https://faninfo.orgfaninfo.org
My Autism Team: https://www.myautismteam.com